I was in Chicago this weekend, and I was having breakfast with my former student and friend Kate Johnson. We were discussing a lot of our plans for visions of our future careers and ways we wanted to really make a difference with what we do. I was telling her the premise of our upcoming The Body of Artists Leadership Program and how it differed from other programs. The subject came up of what actually stops people from reaching their goals, from having the ultimate success that they envision for themselves. We both agreed that on the surface it is people's internal dialogue about money, about time, about their self worth. We talked about how each person has experienced the world differently and it's been a series of events that have occurred in their lives that give them evidence of how "life is". Based on these experiences and evidence people form their behaviors around trust, responsibility, integrity, communication, self worth, abundance, and connection. People are not born dishonest, lacking confidence, thinking they'll never make enough money, or not trusting people. These are learned behaviors. The only way to truly breakthrough these seeming limitations is to first practice changing your mind about it, then take actionable steps towards proving the opposite of the original belief, creating new evidence.
Easier said than done, right? How do you go sky diving when you are petrified of heights? How do you get up on a stage to make a presentation when the thought of speaking publicly makes you want to puke? How do you go for an interview at your dream job when you do not think you have what it takes to do the job let alone land it? How do you meet the right person and get married when you have had your heart smashed?
Well the method is easy. It fact anyone who has ever been inhibited from their dreams and goals by their fears and reached them anyway, has used this method. It's really no secret. The method is beholding this very simple concept. If there is a thing you want more than anything, yet you can't seem to get past your own shit to get it...then you need to say to yourself "OH WHAT THE FUCK, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!" Or in short, get a good healthy case of the Fuck-its.
Now I know this in itself sounds reckless to some. Coming from a promoter type personality, this is the jam to my toast. But there are things I too have been trepidatious about because of past beliefs and if it weren't for me going against my screaming psyche's advice and exercise a healthy FUCK IT, I wouldn't be here blogging to you right now.
What exactly is a "healthy FUCK-IT"? Well in my experience, when one has a seeming obstacle, a road block between them and their goal, and all the safe ways of circumventing this obstacle have failed, it's going to take a level of courage to be and do something out of your box...something outrageous, to jump this hurdle. This thing may be risky, but as long as you know all the risks involved, and are prepared to deal with whatever comes, and you go for it anyway...that is a "healthy fuck-it". For example, when I was going to leave my part time job to start my freelance career and company in 2003/04, I knew my finances would be challenged. I knew I was going to lose my stream of revenue that I could automatically count on. But if I didn't take this risk, I couldn't reach my goal of becoming my own boss and creating the company that is now The Body of Art. So to be responsible, I did save a little, and started talking to many others who did freelance about what to expect...and then I plugged my nose, walked the plank, and jumped ship into seemingly shark infested waters. I had to say to myself "Oh what the fuck, do whatever it takes". Another even funnier story: a friend/colleague of mine (who shall remain nameless) really wanted to not only make it in the industry, but make it big. She idolized Crystal Wright, and followed all her work, her talks, and scoped out her programs She didn't just want to be educated by her, but she wanted to learn from her personally, and create a relationship with her. So she sent her emails, called her...but to no avail, she could not get a response that would open a door for them to personally connect. Now I do not recommend this to everyone, because it definitely could backfire, but the brazenness in my friends fuck-it moment blew my mind. She decided one day she would show up on Crystal's doorstep, and personally introduce herself. So she found out where she lived, and at a reasonable time of the day...showed up to her house. Now responsibly she prepared an intro that would hopefully disarm Crystal of thinking she was totally nuts and a crazy stalker. Apparently Crystal was at home that day and did open the door. I do not remember exactly how it went, but today they are close friends, and my friend is a huge support and advocate of the PYP program, not to mention an amazing visionary, entrepreneur, and makeup artist.
So on the other hand, you may be wondering what an "unhealthy fuck-it" is. Simply, it is being reckless in your decision making and actions, which in short means you do not educate and prepare yourself for what might happen should the risk you take go awry. If you are not responsible about your risk, and you incessantly get yourself into scenarios where you throw yourself into the sea with no protection, you will probably over time lose a limb or two, and you have no one to blame but yourself. The difference may in fact be caring about the result, and not caring. Caring does not mean being overly cautious, just like not caring means being brave. If you educate yourself on what to expect into the ocean of your risk, you can go into it with the knowledge of what's out there, maybe in a cage, maybe with a knife, a bite proof suit...The reward is you can discover some really beautiful things. You don't become Jacques Cousteau by looking at the sea from the edge of a boat. You say "fuck-it" and take the plunge with the intention of going farther than any other man has gone before.
They say courage is not being without fear - It's having fear and doing it anyway. That is the beautiful moment of a "fuck-it". The ultimate human experience. Freeing yourself from worry with the intention of reaching your potential. So what have you been holding back on because there is a seeming obstacle between you and the very thing that will elevate you? And what is a healthy, actionable "fuck-it" you can embark on to have that liberating breakthrough? Come on in...the water is amazing! Just please make sure you learn to swim first...or at least wear your swimmies.